Self-deprecating humor for the neophyte computer user

Self-deprecating humor for the neophyte computer user

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Tech support:    What kind of computer do you have?

Customer:          A white one.
Tech support:    Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer:          Your left or my left?

Hi, good afternoon, this is Michele, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘can’t find printer’.
I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,   but the computer still says he can’t find it.
Customer:          My keyboard  is not working anymore.
Tech support:    Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer:          No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:          OK
Tech support:     Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer:          Yes
Tech support:    That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

Customer:            I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support:      Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer:            Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech  support:     Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer:            Five dots.

Tech  support:   What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer:          Google.
Tech support:    That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer:          Oh, sorry. Internet Explorer.

I have a huge problem.   A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer,

but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support:     How may I help you?
Customer:           I’m writing my first email.
Tech support:     OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer:           Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

A woman customer called the HP help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support:     Are you running it under ‘Windows’?
Customer:   ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’

Tech  support:    ‘Okay Bob, let’s  press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.

Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’
Customer:          I don’t have a P.
Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:          What do you mean?
Tech support:    ‘P’…..on your  keyboard, Bob.
Customer:          I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!


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